Deyn's Promise

Deyn's Promise 

by Robert Jacob Brontsema

Upon the death of his daughter, Key meets a small boy, Deyn, who promises he will never leave Key. Over the next few years, he learns the boy is evil, possibly even a demon. At first, Deyn is a mild annoyance, but his escapades soon escalate until he attacks someone else Key loves. Key then sets himself on a mission to figure out who Deyn is and how to get rid of him. In doing so, he learns about himself.

Without giving away too much, I must say I was really impressed when I discovered Deyn's true identity. It made a lot of sense to me and I loved the way the author portrayed him. The author has a great penchant for similes and metaphors that really helped see the world he was creating.

That being said, I had a difficult time finishing this book. Although the imagery was excellent, there was a dependence on metaphors, some of which I did not wholly understand and some of which I found somewhat offensive. By the end of chapter one, I did not really have a sense of the main character's goal. In fact, it wasn't until the end of chapter 4 where I really understood the main character's mission and even then, it didn't really take hold until the end of chapter 7. For a book with only eleven chapters, that is more than halfway in.

The book was also extremely narrative. There is a lot of backstory, especially in the first few chapters. While the book is not completely devoid of dialogue, there is a lot more telling than showing. I was finally able to get into the book near the end when Key goes through a fantastic journey of self discovery, only to feel a huge let down as everything is laid out nice and neatly. Key tells me the answers instead of showing me how he figured everything out.

I had several issues with the editing as well. Although the typographical errors were minimal, the editing felt very amateur. There were many areas where a word was repeated multiple times within a small amount of space. In one instance, I believe I counted the same word six times within five consecutive sentences spanning two paragraphs. I also had issues with the point of view. While this is clearly a first person narrative, the opening chapter begins in the third person then switches between first and second a few times before finally landing on first. As the story continues, there are still those occasional lapses into second and third person, making the book difficult to read.

Overall, this story read more to me like a very detailed outline than a full-out novel. While I liked the premise, I was underwhelmed with the execution. 

On the technical side of things, I did not think the cover fit the book. While the image of Deyn was fantastic, the other character looks more like a small boy than a middle-aged man and it gives the overall impression that this is a middle-grade novel. I also was not really sure why the print version contained a table of contents, why the chapters were labeled "Entry Number" without being in order, and why every new chapter had to start on an odd page. (That last point is really just a personal pet peeve. I don't hold it against the books I review.)

Ultimately, I would rate this story three quills and place it on my middle shelf.